Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i will never coherently bang her
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
