Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
