Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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