We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize