I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
