I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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