i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
