i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
