Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
