You just made me feel so damn special
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
