I checked into jail on foursquare
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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