Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
