well I can't set my house on fire every night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The Olympian is in my bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
