Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
