I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize