you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
