Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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