i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my being single is dangerous.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
