i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
