I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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