pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
