everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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