I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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