Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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