I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
