i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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