i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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