I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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