When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
