Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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