Porn is love you can see.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
