So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
