hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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