I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
