WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
