I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
