kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
