Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
