Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize