Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
