When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
