I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
