i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
