Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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