I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
