i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
