i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
