it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
this hospital has no fireball
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