He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
