Yo dont text me then not text me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize