You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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