don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
