I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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