i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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