She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
