hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
