His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
