She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
