In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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