My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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