I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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