Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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