bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize