if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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