shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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