new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
