she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's just like the Real World with babies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
