All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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