How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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