My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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