um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found puke in my bra..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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