thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
