he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
