It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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