This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
