i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
