He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
