You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
