Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drunk is not a location!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
