I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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