I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
