so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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