getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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