I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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