Someone shit on the floor
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
