How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
