I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Who died my cat blue again?
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