I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
