wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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