How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
