Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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