remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You need Xanax blowdarts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
