Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You pole danced in your parka.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
