Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize