yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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