I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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