I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
