i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
