I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
