So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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